Welcome to Analysis Today, where, today we are dissecting John McCain’s riveting acceptance speech.

Firstly, while I thought he was…

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

HNCK! What? Where am I? Oh jeez, sorry, I guess I’m a little drowsy.

Anyhoo, the real meat of McCain’s speech seemed to b…..

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

SHCNK! Don’t eat me!! What? Who is it?

Oh, man… I was dreaming that I was a bratwurst!

But if you really want to talk about McCain’s policies, you have t….

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

CHSNK! Oh, god, again with the sleeping? I’m so sorry about this!

Look, let’s just be quick about this: John McCain is a war hero and a maverick and he’s got Snarky Spice for a running mate. What more do you need to know?

U S A! U S A! U S Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Pointless Detail of the Day: No more will I drink coffee at night. I couldn’t fall asleep until 2:30 AM!